When Family Support Unintentionally Undermines Drug Treatment
In families with a member struggling with addiction — whether in the middle of trying to quit or looking for a way to quit — the family plays an enormously important role in helping that person stop using alcohol or drugs, since they are the ones offering encouragement, concern, reminders, guidance, and well-intentioned help. But sometimes, help given the wrong way ends up, without the family realizing it, enabling the person to keep using — or preventing them from quitting at all.
Consider a case that made the news in October 2021: a 65-year-old woman, the mother of the person involved, spoke through tears about how she had known all along that her son was using drugs. She had pleaded with him to stop, only to be repeatedly threatened with violence. Eventually she felt she had no choice but to report him to the police, hoping it would change his behavior — and then posted 20,000 baht in bail to get him released. On the day of the incident, her son, in the grip of drug-induced mania, became violent and destroyed things around the house. She screamed at him to stop, hoping to bring him back to his senses, but he only shouted back and threatened to take her money to buy more drugs. Sensing the danger, she fled the house and called the police to intervene.
In this case, the mother had known all along that her son was addicted, and had endured it for a long time. When threatened or physically harmed, she made the difficult decision to report him to police. But out of love, worry, pity for her son, reluctance to hurt him, fear he would suffer, or anger at herself, she ultimately felt compelled to bail him out — and in the end, he went right back to using. This mother’s behavior is what’s known as “family enabling of alcohol and drug use.”
Indirect Enabling Behaviors That Sustain Drug Use
Enabling refers to behavior by people close to a person with addiction — or someone currently in treatment — that allows them to keep using drugs. It becomes a condition that keeps the person using continuously, or indirectly rewards the person with addiction, helping them avoid the negative consequences of their drug use. Beyond the example of a mother bribing police or bailing out her son, there are many other family behaviors that indirectly enable continued use, often without the family realizing it. For example:
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A parent who gives their child money to buy drugs, because they can no longer stand the child’s irritability or nagging.
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A parent who buys drugs for their addicted child, out of fear the child will suffer severe withdrawal (“long daeng”) without them.
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A parent who buys drugs for their addicted child, out of fear the child will be arrested by police.
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A mother who covers up her child’s drug use, out of fear the father will punish them.
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A mother who repeatedly makes excuses for her child’s bad behavior caused by drug use.
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A father who offers his child a deal: “quit drugs and I’ll buy you a car” or another desired item.
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A wife who goes along with everything her drug-addicted husband wants, out of fear he’ll leave her.
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Parents who don’t take their child to treatment, out of fear the school or workplace will find out.
Who Are Enablers?
People who become enablers typically don’t intend for the person to keep using — they act out of a desire to protect them, or for other reasons — but over the long term, this ends up unintentionally harming the person with addiction. This kind of enabling behavior also produces a range of negative feelings, both for the enabler and for the person with addiction, such as:
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Guilt, fear, and worry, from feeling like part of the problem.
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Frustration or anger, because even after all their protective efforts, the person still won’t listen and keeps using.
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Hopelessness and depression, because the problem feels too chaotic and difficult to manage.
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A sense of alienation, from exhausting themselves trying to solve the problem alone — eventually leading them to give up and disengage from the person with addiction entirely.
How Can Families Help With Drug Treatment?
Family members can help someone they love stop using by recognizing enabling behaviors and offering help the right way, including:
1. Communicate with understanding — The right approach is to talk openly and honestly, creating space to understand what led the person toward drugs in the first place. This shows the love and understanding the family has for the person with addiction. Both the family and the person need to be able to speak openly about their feelings and needs, so both sides reach a clear mutual understanding — this works far better than criticism, coercion, pressure, or scolding to force them to quit, which only adds stress and pushes the person back toward drugs.
2. Set clear boundaries — Family members need to establish clear rules to help stop the drug-using behavior.
3. Build shared goals between the person with addiction and the family — Creating shared goals helps both the person with addiction and the family move in the same direction together.
4. Don’t make excuses on their behalf — Making excuses for someone who uses drugs only supports their continued use.
5. Learn the right information for caring for someone with addiction — Families need to learn proper caregiving approaches, understand the symptoms of addiction, and learn to recognize situations or triggers that could cause someone who has completed treatment to relapse — and should avoid becoming a trigger themselves that pushes the person back toward drug use.
6. Take care of yourself as a family — Family members going through this, or supporting someone in treatment, need to make time for themselves — for their own physical and mental health. Don’t forget to keep your own life in balance, don’t lose sight of your own goals, and don’t forget the importance of taking care of yourself too.
7. Get the person to a doctor or treatment center quickly — This helps bring the situation under control, and specialists can advise family members on how best to encourage the person through treatment, as well as offer counseling for the challenges the family itself is facing.
Day One Rehabilitation Center is a residential drug treatment facility where people in treatment receive care from doctors and a multidisciplinary team providing physical and mental rehabilitation. People with addiction learn a variety of treatment approaches — group therapy, family therapy, psychological methods for working through problems, building inner strength, learning to avoid or refuse drugs, and adjusting to life in society — all of which support lasting changes in behavior and attitude toward quitting. Treatment typically takes at least 3–4 months, with roughly a year of follow-up support after treatment to help prevent relapse.
Once these challenges are addressed, the most important thing is for the family to spend quality time with the person in recovery. Time is one of the most valuable things a family can give someone in treatment, so they can feel love, warmth, and encouragement. Families should bring the person to their treatment appointments consistently and on schedule, so that treatment continues smoothly and produces the best possible results. Families should also try to understand and encourage the person — and once they return to being themselves again, the family should continue to make time for them regularly: talking together over dinner in the evening, playing sports together, or taking a trip out of town together on days off. These are the things that help rebuild the bonds within a family.